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Misc.

Is China About to Invade Taiwan?

It’s not as far-fetched as one might imagine. And let’s just say this: yours truly will have a front-row seat for the main event, baby!

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Misc.

More on Learning Chinese

I’m happy to report that, at long last, I’m making some progress in learning Chinese. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been surprised at how difficult the language is to pick up. But now, after perhaps 10 hours in the classroom learning the tones, Jill and I have moved on to actually speaking words and phrases (!!). Here’re a few.

This should give you a sense of 1) how hard the words are to pronounce, and 2) how the pinyin (the romanization of the Chinese words) isn’t always pronounced the way it’s written. Note that I’m unable to reproduce, here, the tone marks that accompany these words. Each word has one or two or more marks that resemble accent marks; they indicate the lilt with which the words are said.

teacher: laoshi
hello: nihao (“nee-how”
you (sing.): ni (“nee”)
you (pl.): nimen
I/me: wo (“whoa”)
we/us: women (“whoa-men”)
child/children: haizi (“hi-zi”)
things/possessions: dongxi
here: zheli (“jay-li”)
I’m sorry: duibuqi (“dwee-bu-chee”)
beer: pijiu (“pee-joe”)
how much does it cost?: duoshaoqian (“dwo-shao-chee-an”)
notebook: bijiben (“bee-gee-bun”)
pen: yuanzibi (“you-an-zi-bee”)
bathroom: xishoujian (“zee-sho-chee-an”)
1: yi (“yee”)
2: er
3: san
4: si (“s”)
5: wu (“woo”)
6: liu (“lio”
7: qi (“chee”)
8: ba
9: jiu (“jio”)
10: shi (“sh”)

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Misc.

Back From Taipei

Quick note: we’re back from Taipei. A good time was had by all.

My soccer team performed well, making it to the semi-finals, where we were beaten by an excellent squad that went on to win the championship (and which contained a member of the Taiwan national soccer team).

The logistics of the trip are worth noting: we took a 4 a.m. bus up to Taipei early Saturday. (It’s about a 5-hour journey.) Then, Sunday evening, when the tournament was over, we decided to hop on a flight home. We showed up at the aiport at 6:00 p.m., paid about US$60 each, and got on a 6:20 p.m. flight.

Before we departed, we were hanging out at the gate and someone handed me a cold oat soda. I cracked it open with zeal and thus, when we boarded, I marked a new milestone in my traveling career: first time I’ve ever walked onto a plane with an open Kirin lager.

We arrived in Kaohsiung a mere 45 minutes later. Flying is definitely the way to go.

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HOWTO Misc.

Jalapeno pepper hands: how to cure the burn

🌶️ Update, August 19, 2018: It’s been fourteen years since I first published this post, and the comments just keep coming.

It seems this affliction is still plaguing folks. Read through and please weigh in with your suggestions below!


July 3, 2004: The story of my friend’s accident involving jalapeno peppers. Read his tale and the hundreds of comments below on potential cures for this strange affliction!

jalapeno

I received the following email from a good friend who I’ll call CD. He lives in the Washington, DC area. He sends along this cautionary tale about a cooking experience gone horribly wrong. His story is by turns frightening and hilarious. Enjoy.

Dude, I got a great story for you that I’ll try to relay in this message. Friday night S and I went over to J and C’s. I was going to help C prepare for a catering gig he had on Saturday. So we get there and start boozing and hanging out. We eat dinner and then begin the process of prepping for the catering gig.

Well, one step in the catering cooking process was to roast a 5-pound bag of jalapeno peppers on the grill and then remove the skins and de-seed them. Like what you’d do with a roasted red pepper. Well, at about 10:30pm I belly up to the table outside with all the peppers and start going to town. An hour later, I had peeled all 5 pounds worth….the catch is that I did it with no gloves.

At about mid-night S and I leave and I start complaining that my hands are burning. Not terribly, but a bit of fire. An hour later, we are back at S’s and it really sets in. Pain like I have never felt. Unbelievable, extreme, terrible, super harsh burning pain in both hands and even a little ways up both arms. It was like I had burnt both hands in a fire.

Now, I have to set the time frame so you can get the full affect of how long this pain lasted….it was at about 1am Saturday morning when I really began to realize i was in some trouble. At about 2:30am I woke S up and said I needed help (she had been asleep for about an hour). She got on the Internet and looked up how to stop jalapeno burn. She called two emergency rooms and even a number of “ask the nurse” hotlines. Nothing. At about 3:30am I was in so much pain i was rolling around on the floor almost yelling. By that time I had dipped both hands in milk, olive oil, vegetable oil, yogurt, oatmeal, water with baking soda, a bleach water mix, aloe and even mineral oil. Nothing helped.

At one point, I had both hands covered in aloe, a wet wash cloth on each and my hands in two huge bags that were filled with ice and water. That did not even help. at about 5am S calls my doctor at his emergency number. He says to get in the car and go to the emergency rooms at GW. So, we get in the car and I ride with my hands out the window to let the wind somewhat cool them down.

I check in with the front desk and am taken back to some ER room at about 6am. Now, realize that I am SO embarrassed at this point. Everyone in there is looking at me like I am a freak. They even wrote on the ER board where they identify what is ailing a patient “CD, jalapeno hands.” It was funny as hell.

Once I am in my little holding room they give me a shot a morphine, which by the way does nothing to ease the pain. Damn good high, but nothing for the pain. After the morphine they give me a shot of something stronger which also does nothing for the pain. I even got a shot of straight benedryl because they thought I might be having an allergic reaction. Needless to say, nothing works for the pain. They debated admitting me at one point. They also talked about putting me on some IV of pain killers.

Finally, after being there for about 3 hours, they tell me to go home and basically just wait out the pain. They did give me a prescription for some really strong pain killers.

Well, to get to the end….the pain finally lessoned to where I could take it on Saturday night at about 6pm. I was basically in a living hell for like 18 hours. Even today (Monday morning) I still feel a burning in both hands. If I scratch any part of my body, it immediately starts to burn. I can just bump into something and even that little bit of contact sets off a slight burn. And get this, my feet have this low grade burn from walking on them. That’s how much of the jalapeno oil got into my body.

Have a cure for this dreaded condition? Leave a comment below!

Categories
Misc.

Pouring the Perfect Pint

BBC: “A Caledonian University student claims he has made an important breakthrough in how to pour ‘the perfect pint’ during Euro 2004.

David Stevenson, from Helensburgh, said his device is ‘fool-proof’ and enables football fans to watch games without worrying about pouring problems.”

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Misc.

Housekeeping

I’ve added a bunch of Weblogs to the left-hand side of this page. Most of them are sites I’ve been enjoying for a while and am just now getting around to linking to. I’ve also added a more direct link to my travel photos page, which was previously a little harder to find.

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Misc.

More on Ecuador’s Gutierrez

Following my speculation that Ecuadorian president Lucio Gutierrez will soon be booted from office, and following my buddy Mike F.‘s thoughts that Lucio’s fine for now, here’s what my friend Jordan L. has to say.

Jordan’s an American who lived in Ecuador for three years; he and I were once roommates in Cuenca. He’s seen Ecuadorian presidents come and go, and I often say he knows more about that small Andean nation than any gringo I know. I asked him to weigh in on the matter, and here’s his response:

First off, I admire your courage. Talking about Ecuadorian politics is like pissing in the wind–and believe me when I say Ive inadvertently urinated on myself more than a few times amidst gusty Andean gales. Never the less, I will try once more to plow the sea of public debate in response to your question: Lucio–on his way out?

Nothing is likely to happen to Lucio until leaders within the Social Christian, Democratic Left, and Popular Democratic Parties decide that it would be advantageous to remove him from power. For now Lucio’s own Patriotic Society Party is practically dissolved, leaving him completely vulnerable to the entrenched political classes. If you’re Febres Cordero (SC: head of congress) or Jaime Nebot (SC: Mayor of Guayaquil), that’s not a bad position to have your rebel president in. Lucio is essentially a puppet of traditional power at this point and it’s not entirely clear when he’ll be moved out. That’s why his approval rating can be so low but nothing seems to happen. Toledo has been in the same position in Peru for six months now. But rest assured, Lucio’s days are numbered. For now I think it’s better to have him inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in.

If one thing is clear, it’s that no one has a clue as to who could take Lucio’s place. Frankly, nobody wants the job. Being president of Ecuador is akin to political suicide–and it’s systemic. After Bucaram was voted out in 1998 congress amended the
constitution and replaced Rosalia (VP) with Alarcon, then president of the congress. Alarcon promptly made several reforms that consolidated power in the executive branch and likewise made it extremely hard to remove a sitting president by legal means. The
reforms also gave the president more control over the budget at a time when state revenues were dwindling (read: neoliberalism). So any president has to do more with less and will surely get blamed for the outcome, as Lucio is finding out the hard way.

So there you have it, folks. Thank you, Jordan and Mike, for your incisive opinions on the topic. I haven’t been this proud of Newley.com since our global warming debate back in December.

Categories
Misc.

Michael Moore’s New Documentary

Given my intense distaste for “Bowling for Columbine,” I’m interested to see what my reaction’ll be to Moore’s new film, “Farenheit 9/11.”

Chris Hitchens, a critic I admire, has seen the movie and says this:

To describe this film as dishonest and demagogic would almost be to promote those terms to the level of respectability. To describe this film as a piece of crap would be to run the risk of a discourse that would never again rise above the excremental. To describe it as an exercise in facile crowd-pleasing would be too obvious. Fahrenheit 9/11 is a sinister exercise in moral frivolity, crudely disguised as an exercise in seriousness. It is also a spectacle of abject political cowardice masking itself as a demonstration of “dissenting” bravery.

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Misc.

A Report from My Pal in Ecuador

I’ve written recently that I think Ecuadorian president Lucio Gutierrez will soon be ousted from office. His approval ratings are south of 10%, and most crucially, he’s alienated the country’s sizeable indigenous population. And as we saw in Bolivia last year, well-organized Indian groups in the Andes have the power to force unpopular presidents to step down. So after an Ecuadorian indigenous coalition launched a series of protests throughout the country a couple weeks ago, I predicted that Lucio’s days must now surely be numbered.

I asked my good friend Mike F., an American I taught with in Ecuador, for his thoughts on the situation. He lives in Cuenca and has a deep understanding of Ecuadorian political and social dynamics; he related these interesting (and humorous) observations. It seems I might’ve too quick to herald Lucio’s demise.

First, I’d like to inform you that Cuenca now has a new mall, “Mall del Rio, Shopping Center”. Yes that’s right, shopping center, as if centro comercial didn’t describe it. We went for the customary visit on Sunday, and how enlightening it was. Picture the scene, a new mall, basically right at the base of the Turi hill, with venders selling their shish-kabobs and other wares right outside of the parking lot.

The first thing you see- the coral centro “Hipermarket” that takes up nearly a quarter of the whole space. It has 50 counters on 2 levels, and everything under the sun. Walking away from the Hiper, there was a fountain that sprayed water from the ground floor up through a large hole in the second. People were fascinated. Not nearly as fascinated as they were with the escalators though. I have never seen anything like it in my life. Women at the top putting their foot on the first stair, then pulling it back while doing the “cha-chai” hand motion (the one that looks like you’re packing dip), I watched this one women do that for a couple minutes at least. There was always a line for the escalator becuase of these women. The best was the 60 year old indigenous women who lost her shoe and had her legs being dragged up while her daughters who had her by the armpits dragged her off.

Other than that, the highlight had to have been the movie store- beautiful, well done,
looked like blockbuster, selling -maybe you’ve already guessed- pirated DVDs. Three television stores, half naked women selling TVs, Coldplay on the radio, this mall could be anywhere in the world. And it was packed.

On the other side of the country, the strikes were by all accounts a failure. By the 2nd day CONAIE knew it didn’t have the numbers to force out Lucio, and stopped putting his resignation in the list of demands. Attempts to gather in Quito failed, and for what I know, almost no traffic was stopped. At the same time, everyone with disposable income spent it at the mall, including some indigenous (although not many). At the Peugot dealership (which was PACKED), the sales table was in the exact middle of the room-so everyone could see. It was like a race to spend, and to be seen doing it. Sunday best for mall day.

What does it all mean? To me, a couple of things. First, unless he runs afoul of the military, Lucio won’t fall. Plus, he’s already been to Washington to say he wants to be George’s best friend in the hemisphere. He has also said that he wants a free trade agreement with the US regardless of whether or not the rest of SA agrees with him. Consumerism is here to stay. People want to be spenders, to be havers. When Lucio got elected, it looked like he would be a leftist. No one accuses him of that anymore. Ecuador is in a boom time for it’s budget right now because it was based on $16 a barrel and it’s now getting around $35 a barrel. Where is the money going? To build rural roads? No, to fix up the tourist centers of Quito and Guayaquil (and Cuenca to a lesser degree). To host the Miss Universe (incidentally, Miss Peru got robbed). I think that this government, and the people, have made a choice to join the “global economy” whatever that might mean for a raw goods exporter. I think the most telling of anything is the number of TV stores in Cuenca and the new mall. Consumerism and the TV go hand in hand, and everyone has one. You might even be able to measure class status with the number of TVs that someone has. It’s a little disappointing, but what can you expect.

Categories
Misc.

On the Future of Taiwan

Via the excellent Peking Duck, here’s a fascinating look at the future of the small island I now call home. Check out Ross Terrill’s “Death of a Party-State: The Aftermath of the Presidential Election in Taiwan.”