Vegan Lunch Box Fare: A Screenplay

by Newley on October 5, 2005 · 4 comments

FADE IN

The scene: an elementary school lunchroom.

TYLER (opening lunch box):
Oh man my mom is the best — ham and cheese and a bag of Lays! And a pudding! Awesome!

MANDY (extracting food from a brown paper bag):
Alright — peanut butter and jelly, nacho cheese Doritos, and some Oreos! I love it when my dad packs my lunch!

TYLER (turning to ZAK, who sits staring at his opened lunch box, looking dejected):
What weird-ass stuff did your mom pack for you today, Zak?

ZAK (shaking head, sighing):
Oh, you know. The same old vegan crap. Yesterday it was quinoa amaranth timbale. On Monday it was ‘ham’ roll-ups with a pumpkin carob chip muffin. Today it looks like a Tennessee corn pone muffin. Pure torture. Every day.

MANDY (laughing):
Vegans are funny.

FADE OUT

ROLL CREDITS

  • Miles

    Newles, I think it was a book I read at Emory, but it could have been a movie I saw somewhere along the way, I have no idea what it means, but all I can think about right now is the quote “corn pone country pussy”

    Any chance you can fill me in on what my memory is hazy about?

  • http://newley.com Newley

    Hilarious, Milo. I think this is what you have in mind:

    Clarice Starling: Paul, what is it with you? I told you to go home to your wife, that was wrong?
    Paul Krendler: Don’t flatter yourself, Starling. That was a long time ago. Why would I hold that against you? Besides, this town is full of cornpone country pussy.

  • Rachel

    Newley,
    I think this is mean spirited. Jennifer does a wonderful job fixing her son homemade meals, and he is delighted to have them. It’s too bad that more mothers aren’t able to send their children off to school with such nutritious lunches (I know that not all moms have the time). Jennifer’s little boy will never end up obese or Diabetic, which is more than you can say for children who eat the Standard American Diet.

  • http://newley.com Newley

    I agree, Rachel. Jennifer certainly does a wonderful job of preparing what I’m sure are delicious meals for her son. I’m only bringing some levity to the situation — as a foodie, I can’t imagine restricting myself (or anyone else) to eating non-animal-related foodstuffs. And let’s face it, any kid growing up vegan will certainly, at some point, suffer a little bit of teasing from his or her friends…

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