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Monthly Archives: April 2004

Defining the South

29-Apr-04

Here’s an in-depth look at our conception of the American south–and how the media covers it (link via Dana). Two observations:
1) There are really only two demograhics it’s still politically correct to poke fun at: fat people and rednecks. (Okay, granted they’re sometimes one and the same.)
2) When it comes to delineating the south’s geography, […]

File Under: Closure

28-Apr-04

“I found my ex-wife’s wedding dress in the attic when I moved. She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress. I was actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce became final, but my sister talked me out of it. She said, “That’s such a gorgeous dress. […]

Create Your Own Tom Friedman Column

28-Apr-04

Want to emultate everyone’s favorite New York Times columnist and globalization cheerleader? Well then here’s your guide.

D&D

27-Apr-04

The question from BBCNews:
“What happened to Dungeons and Dragons? In the 1980s millions of teenagers world-wide would battle dragons armed with just dice, paper and pens. D&D became part of youth sub-culture but as the game celebrates its 30th birthday, is anyone still playing?”
The answer: Nope. They’re all writing Weblogs. (Just kidding.)
Best quote from […]

Sometimes a Banana Guard is Just a Banana Guard…

27-Apr-04

In reference to the Banana Guard, which I mentioned recently, Andi G. sends this amusing missive from Washington, DC:
The Banana Guard proves yet again that necessity is indeed the mother of invention. As much as I think I need one of these puppies–my bananas are always getting bruised and mangled–I have to say I wouldn’t […]

Two Photo Galleries…

26-Apr-04

…worth checking out are:
1) These gory photos from Iraq presumably taken by a recenty-returned American soldier.
If our media were doing a better job of informing us–with hard-hitting photos like these–of the senseless violence that’s happening there, these images wouldn’t be nearly as shocking as they are. But hey, you can’t make a “war on […]

Kerry for Prez T-Shirt Contest

24-Apr-04

Submit your designs and find more info here. (Let’s just hope, for decency’s sake, that this guy doesn’t enter his slogan.)

MPromo…

23-Apr-04

…appears to be the place to go for ordering McDonald’s in-store promotional materials. How can I get signed up? I’d kill for a McGriddles poster.

“Have you ever considered that we might be insulted because you haven’t learned English?”

23-Apr-04

This and other crucial snippets for American tourists, such as “You’re very pretty for a foreigner” and “It’s better in the States,” can be found in The Zompist Phrasebook.

I Cannot Possibly Live Another Day Without…

21-Apr-04

…my very own Banana Guard. (No, really, it’s a guard for your banana. Seriously.)

On Writing

21-Apr-04

Joseph Epstein says:
I was recently asked what it takes to become a writer. Three things, I answered: first, one must cultivate incompetence at almost every other form of profitable work. This must be accompanied, second, by a haughty contempt for all the forms of work that one has established one cannot do. To these two […]

A Few Thoughts

19-Apr-04

In no particular order:
–Like the shirt says, any questions?;–You heard it here first: “toothing” is here to stay;–In soccer news, this is really cool. But this is not.

My Weekend: Fly Balls, Monkey Attacks, and Bolivian Ex-Pats

18-Apr-04

Here’s what we did this weekend:
1) On Saturday night, Jill and I, along with a bunch of fellow teachers, attended a professional baseball game at the nearby Chengching Lake Stadium. Lots of fun.
The La New Bears bested the Lions by a scoreline of 12-2. I had high hopes for the concession options, but I […]

Memorandum

17-Apr-04

To: Newley Purnell, Mr. Smartypants International Traveller
From: Your 401(k) (Remember Me?)
Date: April 17th, 2004
Subject: What am I, Chopped Liver?——————————————————————————–
You had better freaking hope this is true.
That is all.

Meditations on Night Train, Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, and other Budget-Friendly Wines

16-Apr-04

“The implication is that to kick back with a liter of Night Train is to be a wino. No one wants to be a wino. Winos are dirty and vulgar and lacking in teeth. There’s death on their breath and evil in their eyes. Right? Maybe. Bur most of the winos I’ve met were decent […]