As my iron/ham-fisted reign over Bloggyslovakia nears an end, and before I empty the treasury, execute the last of my rivals, nationalize the Flowbee industry, and honor myself with a big gay parade, I though I’d take a moment to review My Top Ten Newley.com Guest Blogger Intarweb Postings.
10. Work Schmerk: Clearly uninspired and devoid of any creativity or originality at all. I am ashamed.
9. Just Send Cash: There’s nothing I hate more than a sad-sack whiner. Except possibly self-loathing.
8. Catch Me If You…D’oh!: While I am indeed a big fan (and former intern and employee) of The Missouri Review, I, in retrospect, feel that Newley.com readers may have deserved something of a more comprehensive and incisive look into that day’s big news.
I still got nuthin’.
7. Why’s It Gotta Be Black? Huh? HUH?: While I like the idea behind this one, I feel I should come clean and admit that I do not actually attend as many celebrity functions as I may have led you to believe. And while I am not ashamed per se, I can’t say that I’m very proud of myself either.
6. Holy Scheisse!: This made it to number six strictly because of the deep and wholly unexpected satisfaction I derived from being able to connect “Scheisse” with Bertelsmann.
5. Can you hear me now? Of course you can’t.: Well something has to be number five, right?
4. I’m an Intellectual: As an intellectual I am fully aware of the potential pitfall in placing myself too high on this list and seeming arrogant and self-important, but also, as an intellectual, how could I possibly tolerate being underrated? So four it is.
3. Bionicaholic: I still can’t get over the fact that the guy was drinking a gin and tonic during the interview. That picture is now my desktop. Truly inspirational.
2. Enter the Blog-tang: Has a special place in my heart as this was my first foray into the world of intense self-absorbtion that generally is blogging. And it’s about a horse rapist!
1. Right this way my pretties: Ah, this one had it all. “Turducken”. “Birderer”. “…kind, if meatless, hospitality.” Truly a magnum opus, this. And I think you know what that pat-pat-SNAP! sound is.
Remember me fondly. Or fondle me rememberingly. Either way, I’m ghost like Christmas Past.
Nick M.
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