Chris D. takes issue, and does so hilariously, with my assertion that I’m learning how to cook:
“He is truly a master chef. I happened to turn on great chefs international the other afternoon and they were highlighting newley in his small kitchen in cuenca.
N: “now I might not have a real chefs knife, but this $1.75 knife I got down at super maxxie, the local grocery store does just the trick”
MYSTERIOUS WOMANS VOICE THAT IS ALWAYS ON GREAT CHEFS (MW): “available by mail order at newley.com. This knife is a wonderful addition to any kitchen.”
N: “well, i guess I will make some pasta for you. I start with ragu sauce, put it in a pan and slowly heat it. It took me a while to learn that I could actually control the amount of heat on my gas stove. Used to be I just had to cook everything on extreme high heat, but a friend of mine visiting from the states showed me how I could do some fine adjustments with the knobs on the stove. Basically, just add some extra onions, garlic and really anything you want and it really makes the sauce taste better.”
MW: “add 1 chopped red pepper, 1 cup porcini mushrooms, 1 yellow onion and 5 to 6 garlic cloves”
N: “I basically just throw this big pot on the stove with some water in it and crank the heat up to high. Once it’s bubbling I just add whatever kind of pasta I have laying around. Oh yeah, water takes longer to boil here cause we are at high altitude.”
MW: “bring 8 cups water to a rapid boil. Add one teaspoon olive oil and a healthy dash of salt. Cook pasta until just tender, drain and serve immediately”
N: “since I can’t really get decent cheese down here i either skip it or use this really weird tasting, rubbery cheese that from the wrapper claims was made in holland. horse crap, it’s made somewhere in ecuador. you can get cheddar or provolone…the shit all tastes like the same rubbery concoction.”
And Benny C. simply sends the following cautionary words:
“I’m worried about you cooking, please stop. In all likelihood, you will hurt yourself.”